Gone with the wind.

It's 4am. I suck at going to sleep when I have nothing to wake up for. I didn't even realize that Thanksgiving was tomorrow already until this afternoon. I seriously never know what day it is anymore because I am always working and my days off are in the middle of the week and it completely throws me off. I kind of like being busy, though.

The wind is currently making the branches outside dance on my windows but its pressure is also making my windows rattle and I swear that my house is seconds away from getting blown over. I feel like I can hear the wind coming from miles away and that is scary. I can hear an unlatched gate creak outside and the wind chimes hanging in my neighbor's porches are making music for the storm. As much as I feel like I should go to sleep, the eeriness of the wind is somewhat intoxicating and I can't seem to close my eyes or pull away..

I wish I could just jump outside and get carried away in the wind.


Oh, my life.

Gotta love red wine.


"You are the happiest/most fucked up person I know."

I love my friends. After being so bummed out on Thursday night they told me to not make plans after work last night. They picked me up from work and went over to Matt's house where some of my other friends were waiting to surprise me. They made me dinner and rented a John Cusack movie for us to watch! We hung out for a while, had a nice candle lit dinner next to Matt's huge windows with an awesome view of downtown Portland and they even got me a cupcake and ice cream! I was so happy. My friends rule.

Speaking of friends that rule, I forgot to talk about the secret Trash Talk show and hanging out in Seattle. No big deal, though.. not much happened. However, I did get to see Garrett again and I got to see Claire and Brian and Sarah and a bunch of other people I hardly ever get to see anymore. It was really nice. The show was fun (not as fun as the Portland show, though) and the spot it was at was wild. I got a Morrissey shirt! Pictures later. Claire made me touch a 16 year old's butt and then I put a dime down his pants. It was really funny but I guess you just had to be there. Afterwards, Jess and I went to Dick's with Rashod, Lee and Kellen. Lee harassed some U-District weirdos and gave this bum some money who couldn't stop folding and unfolding the bills and seriously looked so happy that he was going to cry. It was kind of cute. We then went and stayed at Jamie's house and met his new puppy, Reine (Ree-nah). SHE IS SO CUTE AND CUDDLY. I miss her already.

I kept waking up because there were three dogs sleeping on me and they kept moving around. No complaints though, I was pretty stoked. Reine kept licking my face and wouldn't let me go back to sleep. She's lucky she's so cute. Puppy cuddle party!

I seriously need to go home. I haven't been there in over a week. I am really going to try and just go straight home after work. Probably won't happen.


Soul cat.

So, I went to Silk's memorial last night for like four hours. I walked in and this girl was playing the guitar and singing this song and I immediately started crying.

The place was packed. There were a bunch of people from high school there that I haven't seen in years. It was sort of set-up like an open mic and people were sharing stories and singing songs and reading poems. Soo many people wanted to say something about him. I would have shared something but I was way too emotional and would have just started bawling. I was amazed at how many different people went up and shared different stories but all had pretty much the same things to say about him. They played a few video clips of him perfoming some spoken word and people were reacting as if he were there standing in front of us. It was so nice even though it made me cry. I can't explain how it feels to have lost not just an amazing friend but an amazing and beautiful person.

Whenever I was sad or bummed out about something, I would always magically get a call from him. He just had like a sixth sense or something but he could always feel when I was hurting over something. I have been waiting and waiting to get a phone call and to hear his voice telling me that everything would be okay and to be happy and that I was too good to cry but I haven't and I won't.

Anyway.. I am trying not to dwell on it and be so bummed. I think about how he would want me to go on and I know that he would definitely not want me to cry about it. I am just trying to keep his spirit and his love of life alive. It's just hard because he's been on my mind since I found out and I hear his voice in my head over and over all day long. He will definitely be missed. Someone said this last night, "mother nature took him and now he is all around us."

Here is an article on what happened if anyone is interested.


So here I am.

I don't really know why I made this. I guess I feel like livejournal is a bit childish and that having a blog is more mature. Perhaps I will actually post things that are interesting. I don't know.

Life is weird. I am having so much fun and it feels really good to say that I feel like I have a really good girl friend. I haven't had one in a while.

Saw Trash Talk last night and it was so so good seeing Garrett. We talked about our lives and decided that we need to get best friend tattoos soon! I am really excited for that. Going to Seattle tomorrow for their show and then coming back home and going to Silk's memorial. I cried today for the first time after hearing about his passing. Although it hurts, I still don't feel that it has fully sunk in. I have never dealt with the death of someone close to me and I still don't feel like it is real. I am constantly hearing his voice in my head and picturing him smiling and laughing. I just don't understand life and death, I suppose.

Someone said something to me the other day that has been dwelling in my mind ever since.. he told me that Silk had lived a better life because I was in it. Maybe I am just getting sappy but it really made me think about how I should really be more open about my appreciation for my friends and family. If something were to happen to me tomorrow, I want the ones I love and care about to know just how important they were to me and my life.

"There is life here, because there is love here." - Sokhak "Silk" Peng. Rest in peace.